Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Dear Jonathan

Sunday, May 15th was one of the scariest days of my life…if not the scariest.

Dear Jonathan, I wanted to write you and tell you what you went through in the early weeks of your life (from my prospective).
     I took you to Charlotte for your “sip and see” that T-Lo and Pops arranged to introduce you to their friends. Kristi, your God-mother, said we should take you to your pediatrician when we got home. I asked should we go to ER on Saturday and everyone felt it was best to get you home to our doctor because you didn’t seem to be in distress (no nasal flaring, loss of oxygen, loss of appetite, you were alert, etc.). I started thinking about how other people had said you were breathing rapidly even for a new baby. For your one month checkup, I took you to your pediatrician and she listened and said your lungs sounded perfect. 
    Sunday morning, I got up and drove back to Atlanta. I felt like I should just take you to the CHOA ER. Your dad was out of town, so I talked him on the phone and he told me to do whatever I thought was best.  So, then I called Lacey to watch your brother while I drove you to ER. At this point, I still felt like I was just being “overly protective.” After dropping your brother off at Lay-lay’s, I drove you to Scottish Rite (around 3pm). They took off your clothes and weighed you and took us back in less than a minute. The respiratory therapist and doctor came in, they said they didn’t hear sounds out of your right lung. They thought you had a virus and ordered an x-ray (around 4pm).
    I took you to the x-ray and held your arms and you screamed.   We got back to our ER room and you were hungry and crying. I asked the doctor if I could nurse you and he said yes.  I fed you and you were more content. Then the doctor came back in with a “team” of nurses and said there was a problem.  Your right lung was pushing on your left lung and heart. They asked me if I thought you had swallowed anything. Did Thompson give you anything?  I don’t leave your big brother with you alone. While he loves you very much, he is 2.5 so he isn’t fit to be your babysitter. :) I was very confident that you didn’t swallow anything. They proceeded to tell me they called in a surgeon and you needed a CT scan (around 5pm). They couldn’t sedate you because of your breathing problems, so we needed to pray that you would be still on your own. Thankfully, you were starting to fall asleep so we rushed you back there and I prayed that you would be so still and they could get a good picture of your lungs. God heard our prayer and the CT was perfect.  Our surgeon, Dr. Glasson came in and told me your right middle lobe wasn’t working and you had chronic lobar emphysema (CLE). It was trapping air in and not letting air out and they would need to operate tonight.  Dr. Glasson said you would be on a ventilator and probably be in the hospital for over a week.  I asked what your life would be like and they said barring no complications you should live a long and healthy life and do everything that boys do! I was relived, but still scared about this major surgery.  I was crying but I didn’t “lose it.” I knew I had to understand what was going on and to make the best decision possible. Your dad was flying in from VA and driving about 90 MPH down the highway to get there.  He arrived after the surgeon and as the nurses were taking your blood and putting in an IV. I tried to explain what all was happening… He called your grandparents to give them an update.  
          Then around 6pm you were admitted to PICU.  They wouldn’t let us go with you because they had to get everything settled and stick you with more needles. Lacey met us in the PICU waiting room. We sent out a mass text message to our friends and family asking them to pray for you. Our pastors from Village Church called us immediately.  The church has been such a blessing and set up meals for us and prayed for us.  By the time we got back to your bed at the PICU a nurse was holding you because you were so hungry and couldn’t eat. You screamed and screamed.  It was terrible.  Your dad couldn’t take it so he got the nurses to give you some medicine to make you relax and you finally fell asleep! It was so much better; I was so glad he did that. Then, they had gotten our last name wrong when they admitted you (Munk instead of Monk, the lady even told me “Monk” was her favorite TV show) and your dad had to go fill out paper work so they could operate on you. While he was there, Steve Hellier drove up to meet and pray with him.
Finally ,around 8:45pm they came and took you to surgery. We walked beside your crib as they rolled you down to the second floor. We met with Dr. Glasson again. Your dad asked her some questions and she told us “you would do fine.”  Then we kissed you and told you we loved you and said a prayer to God to protect you. Then we left you and we were scared. T-lo arrived and met us in the surgery waiting room. We sat and prayed and talked and people called us to let us know they were thinking about you.  Finally, around 11:30pm they came and got us and moved us to the PICU waiting room.  Dr. Glasson came out and told us that it went wonderful. She didn’t have to remove a rib and as soon as she took out your right middle lobe the other two started working perfectly. You were breathing on a ventilator and were doing well. We had to wait to see you until you got setup in the PICU.  Then T-lo got a text that Kristi was driving to the hospital and would stay with me that night. Daddy went home to be with Thompson and T-lo and Lacey went home after they saw you. Your daddy and I prayed for you again and thanked God that it went so well.
     Kristi arrived around 2am on Monday morning. She saw you and kept watch on you with me. It meant so much that she would come because she is a nurse and such a source of peace. You are blessed to have her as your Godmother. I even got some sleep. Kristi noticed your left finger was turning blue and it looked like the IV was going bad. The nurses put a new IV in your left leg.  Dr. Glasson came in around 5:30am and looked at you. You had a chest tube, ventilator, IV’s and all types of monitors. Dr. Walson your ICU doctor came in and checked you out and said you would be on the ventilator for a few days.  Around 10am your great-Aunt Laura came to visit you. She prayed for you and was there to just offer moral support. It meant so much to me that she would visit first thing on Monday. She is currently battling cancer and we are praying that she can beat it! She is the one of the Godliest people I know and it doesn’t seem “Fair” that she would have to go through this. She humbles me and so many others by her faith through this fire she and her family are walking! Her character shows that even during her struggle she was there for us during that hard week. We are blessed to know her and even more to love her!
   Monday afternoon, I drove home to get a shower. I had driven to the hospital in athletic shorts and a t-shirt and they gave me scrubs to sleep in that night. Kristi stayed with you while I went home. When I came back she noticed your left fingers were turning blue also because your IV bandage looked too tight. They weren’t staying blue but it was enough to be alarming. The ER trauma nurse came by to check on you and we mentioned it to her. She told the other nurse in the ICU about it and said we should get it re-taped.  Your dad arrived from work to check on you. Then, Kristi left. It was hard seeing her leave! She was so kind to me and I couldn’t imagine having to go through that without her. 
   Your daddy and I stayed until dinner time and we left and went and got Thompson. T-lo came to spend the night with you so we could go home and get some rest. I came back early Monday morning and met with Dr. Walson who said you would have to stay on the ventilator because you weren’t breathing as well as they wanted you to. T-lo left and went and got Thompson to take him to her house so we could focus on you.  I was having my worst morning alone up there.  Laura called just at the right moment and offered to come and sit with me and bring me lunch. It was perfect. She was a huge blessing of calm and a reminder of God’s love.  Pastor Jonathan and Curt came and prayed with me and Laura. Your dad had to go to work during the day and came to be with you at night. He spent Tuesday night with you so I could go home and get some rest. I left you later that evening after your dad and I had dinner. Mecall met me at my house that night. I visited with her for a little while and then went to bed from 11pm-5am.  I was also pumping so that when you got off your feeding tube you would be able to eat. I also wanted to be able to nurse you.  The staff promoted nursing and gave me a pump to use in my room and pump parts.
        Wednesday morning I drove back to relieve your Dad at 6am. I brought him Chick-Fil-A and we had breakfast together by your bedside. We prayed for you again and Dad went home to get ready for work. Mecall came to visit you and brought me a coffee to sip on! The hospital gave me a free meal since I was nursing you, but the hospital food got a little bit old after a while. It was nice to have a friend there to talk with. Dr. Greene (your pediatrician) came to visit and brought donuts. They did an echo gram to make sure your heart was fine and the test came back that everything was perfect.  The ICU Dr. decided to “wake you up” and take out the ventilator when you were ready. So, all day I watched you wake up. You jolted and moved and even started gagging on your throat tube.
      By 4pm they decided you were ready to take out the tube. They made me leave while they did the procedure. Your dad was on his way to the hospital.  I was praying that it would go well. To be honest, I was very scared at this point. Around 4:45pm they came back to tell me it was out and you were doing great. You were on CPAP again but tolerating it well and they would continue to move you down to room air as you progressed. God answered another prayer!  Your dad arrived around 5pm and I went and got us some dinner. I came back and we ate dinner by your bedside. You were doing better and waking up. You were still very swollen from the surgery. At 8pm I gave you your first bottle. I was nervous because you were choking on it but the nurse (Amanda) said you were just clearing out the congestion. You did well. It was my first time holding you. I didn’t get as emotional as I thought because I was focused on your eating. Then your dad held you and I did get a little emotional. It was good to have you in our arms again. We missed you!!  Your dad stayed again that night because I couldn’t nurse you and we still weren’t sure how long you would be in the hospital. 
    Thursday morning was a great day. You were eating on your own and the Doctor told me to try nursing. You did great! I got more emotional that morning because I was able to hold you so much. You still had monitors on which was re-assuring to me.  You continued to progress. Physical Therapy and Occupational Therapy came to work with you again.  Dr. Glasson came to remove the chest tube. She told me to hold your arms while she pulled it out. You were so brave! Dr. Glasson said it looked like you could go home tomorrow as long as you continued to eat well and have no “dips” in oxygen level. 

      Lacey came down Thursday afternoon so I could go home and get clothes for you to change into. Your dad and I met at the house and grabbed some dinner. It made me feel safe that Aunt Lay Lay was there with you and holding you. I got back around 9pm and the nurses came to say they were moving you to the second floor. I was glad you were leaving but a little worried to leave such great care. Your night nurse, Amanda was wonderful and I hated having to adjust to new people so late. The second floor was fine we had our own bathroom and shower but there wasn’t the same level of care.  You did well that night and I got up twice to nurse you. Early on Friday we got up and took you to get two x-rays.  Your Granmom drove down from Rome on Friday to help us check out of the hospital. Aunt Laura and Lacey went to the grocery store for me on Friday morning and Laura asked if she could bring us lunch. We agreed because we didn’t know when we would be able to check out. It turns out that Dr. Glasson arrived right at Lunch time to discharge you. She gave me her hand to shake and then asked if she could give me a hug; I said of course.
     While I know God saved your life; He did so through the amazing medical team at CHOA.  OT & PT came to say you would need some outpatient therapy to help you catch up. Then Laura arrived with lunch and in time to help us to the car. Again, she goes above and beyond and is such a fine woman. She was able to see you with your eyes open and said it made her feel better! She had seen you at your worst hour my son and now she was able to help you discharge. I put you in the car seat and drove you home. I called your dad to tell him we were on our way home. He was so happy to see you when we got home. We took some pictures. Your Granmom stayed for lunch and spent time holding you and helped so that I could get a shower and get ready for the Cudniks.  The Cudniks arrived around 5pm and it was great to see them and it helped me get my mind off worrying about you. I was very worried you might get an infection. It was my first real anxiety attack and I felt myself not trusting God. Jonathan Cudnik (one of the reasons we named you Jonathan was because your Dad and he are best friends) just became a Doctor and it made me feel much better that he was here. Beth Anne even rocked you in your bouncer. It was so wonderful to have them here. We ordered pizza and we held you. Lacey and Andy came by to get a look at you and said how much better you looked.
     Saturday morning, Beth Anne and I went to Becca’s baby shower and your dad stayed with you.  His guy friends came over to visit with Jonathan Cudnik. Jonathan even fed you a bottle while your dad had a work conference call. Beth Anne is expecting a second baby so he said it was good practice! I got one picture of the four of y'all and you were screaming. All Saturday you were very cranky which was a little bit nerve racking. Kristi and doctors said I could try giving you some Tylenol since we’re holding you more and you just had surgery. Sunday, your dad went to church and I kept you home. We didn’t want you getting sick. I left again to go to another baby shower and then we all went to Richard and Laura’s house for a cookout. Your aunt Laura is a great cook! It was a fantastic meal! Uncle Richard held you. It was so great to be a family of “four” again! We love you, Jonathan!

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